Not very concerned about time right now. Self consciousness seems kind of important, I dunno, people telling you "You've gotta know yourself, you've gotta love yourself" and that kind of stuff. People just tell this things, right?, little phrases, common speeches, I've been doing it my whole life but from time to time I come to realise that it isn't just that. I used to be so much interested about people, their little things, you know? but that is fading. I guess I was hoping someone showed that same interest in me, being two people on that same level, but it's not happening, I'm losing interest, people just pass by, I don't see my reflection anywhere and that is slowly turning me into some fucking ghost among everyone. I'm just one between everyone, I don't know if I have to find myself or if I have to find someone else first, or if those happen simultaneously, there's no order there, right? There's no recipe, but as time goes by it starts to beat the shit out of you.
I miss so much having a good conversation, I used to be great at it, I think I still am but I really need someone... fuck, there it is... it's not about talking to someone, it's about sharing, I need to share, I want to share, but how do you find something you're not supposed to look for? I don't even know that person! or do I? Will I ever? Is it me? Is there even a right fucking question for all this?